Is anybody out there?
I'm tired.
I'm tired.
Please stop the dissing, the hating.
Where is the love?
new air
1 week ago
4.01.2010
Comment allez-vous?
I wanna start writing again.
It's about time.
It's about time I wrote about the biggest failure in my life.
The story that might appear in Wikipedia one day if I were to be someone famous enough. *wishful thinking*
Before this, I have been getting everything that I want, my way. Everything was smooth sailing in my life. God had never given me a big challenge before. The worst failure of my life up to the age of 21 was probably with driving, as I had rammed my own car into, well, something (thank goodness not a 'someone'). Got a good education, good family, awesome friends, awesome teenage experience, a scholarship, managed to get thru my prep college with a decent CGPA, and even got into one of the top public universities in the States..then..
*WHAM*!
God gradually, yes slowly and painfully, gave me THIS HUGE CHALLENGE. My first ever major failure in life. No it's not like failing exams or your driving test or whatever. This is even major. You know when Alicia Keys sings "What goes around comes around, what goes up must come down"? The "come down" down part? Yep this is it.
I'd never be able to figure this out myself, but someone told me that EVERYONE WILL experience failure in their lives, sooner or later. Some people are doing so well right now, just because maybe God hasn't put that kind of challenge in front of them yet, or, they've had a really big one and they came out stronger and wiser than before. I'd like to think that our thoughts are controlled by God and we are only puppets on his stage, and the show will end soon.
No I am not trying to preach or give a sermon here, I know you must've noticed that I've used the word "God" a lot, but Islam is my faith, and my religion has made a huge impact on my outlook and philosophies on life.
I believe that God loves his children, and everything happens for a reason. EVERYTHING. There must be a reason why he challenged me, you, and everybody else, well, at different times and different degrees.
I still remember when I was 12, I was required to give a quote from myself so that it could go into my primary school yearbook and it ended up being something so unoriginal:
"Gagal sekali, bukan bermakna gagal selamanya".
HAHA. SOMETHING YOU COULD PICK OUT FROM A QUOTE DICTIORNARY OR SOMETHING HAH!
Well guess what? That, I think, probably became the mantra of my life.
So that is why, I'd like to believe that Islam also teaches us to always have an optimistic outlook on life. Moderation is always the key. Even though you are not as rich as the neighbor next door, or you've suddenly lost your job, believe in Allah, pray to Him, push yourself a little more, and Tawakkal (Hope for the best).
That is what I've learned so far. You probably might have heard this dekat ceramah agama on the TV or in school, but nothing beats REAL LIFE EXPERIENCE. God's challenge felt so real, it's almost under my skin. And now that I can see it with my own eyes, Masya-Allah, may I be a better person in the future.
It's about time.
It's about time I wrote about the biggest failure in my life.
The story that might appear in Wikipedia one day if I were to be someone famous enough. *wishful thinking*
Before this, I have been getting everything that I want, my way. Everything was smooth sailing in my life. God had never given me a big challenge before. The worst failure of my life up to the age of 21 was probably with driving, as I had rammed my own car into, well, something (thank goodness not a 'someone'). Got a good education, good family, awesome friends, awesome teenage experience, a scholarship, managed to get thru my prep college with a decent CGPA, and even got into one of the top public universities in the States..then..
*WHAM*!
God gradually, yes slowly and painfully, gave me THIS HUGE CHALLENGE. My first ever major failure in life. No it's not like failing exams or your driving test or whatever. This is even major. You know when Alicia Keys sings "What goes around comes around, what goes up must come down"? The "come down" down part? Yep this is it.
I'd never be able to figure this out myself, but someone told me that EVERYONE WILL experience failure in their lives, sooner or later. Some people are doing so well right now, just because maybe God hasn't put that kind of challenge in front of them yet, or, they've had a really big one and they came out stronger and wiser than before. I'd like to think that our thoughts are controlled by God and we are only puppets on his stage, and the show will end soon.
No I am not trying to preach or give a sermon here, I know you must've noticed that I've used the word "God" a lot, but Islam is my faith, and my religion has made a huge impact on my outlook and philosophies on life.
I believe that God loves his children, and everything happens for a reason. EVERYTHING. There must be a reason why he challenged me, you, and everybody else, well, at different times and different degrees.
I still remember when I was 12, I was required to give a quote from myself so that it could go into my primary school yearbook and it ended up being something so unoriginal:
"Gagal sekali, bukan bermakna gagal selamanya".
HAHA. SOMETHING YOU COULD PICK OUT FROM A QUOTE DICTIORNARY OR SOMETHING HAH!
Well guess what? That, I think, probably became the mantra of my life.
So that is why, I'd like to believe that Islam also teaches us to always have an optimistic outlook on life. Moderation is always the key. Even though you are not as rich as the neighbor next door, or you've suddenly lost your job, believe in Allah, pray to Him, push yourself a little more, and Tawakkal (Hope for the best).
That is what I've learned so far. You probably might have heard this dekat ceramah agama on the TV or in school, but nothing beats REAL LIFE EXPERIENCE. God's challenge felt so real, it's almost under my skin. And now that I can see it with my own eyes, Masya-Allah, may I be a better person in the future.
3.31.2010
Hands
Something I wrote for my ex-boyfriend some time ago which never got sent sebab dia tinggalkan saya dan dia tak kisah dah hahaha Tak tahu benda ni note ka poem ka essay ka apa.
These Hands
Look at these hands.
These ugly hands with these stubby fingers.
They're not perfect.
They have hair on them.
And they're so fat only an elephant's ring would fit (if they wear any).
They're not like yours.
Long and slender.
They're not like Miranda Kerr's or Cheryl Cole's who you like so much.
But they're here for you.
They want to hold your hand.
They want to carress your face and make the wrinkles on your forehead go away.
They want to cook your favorite dessert just the way your mom does it for you.
They wanna go around your waist and pull you closer to me.
They just want to touch your shoulder to let you know in an instant with the speed of an impulse that everything is going to be ok.
See, they love you, and they're staying. And since they're mine, I love you too.
These Hands
Look at these hands.
These ugly hands with these stubby fingers.
They're not perfect.
They have hair on them.
And they're so fat only an elephant's ring would fit (if they wear any).
They're not like yours.
Long and slender.
They're not like Miranda Kerr's or Cheryl Cole's who you like so much.
But they're here for you.
They want to hold your hand.
They want to carress your face and make the wrinkles on your forehead go away.
They want to cook your favorite dessert just the way your mom does it for you.
They wanna go around your waist and pull you closer to me.
They just want to touch your shoulder to let you know in an instant with the speed of an impulse that everything is going to be ok.
See, they love you, and they're staying. And since they're mine, I love you too.
7.20.2009
You Live Only Once
Inspired by The Strokes
Staying the same is oh-so-mundane
Before I die I want to able to say
"I've done it all"
I've been a cheerleader, I've been a loser
I've been fat, I've been thin
I've fallen in love, I've fallen out of love
I've been to the city, I've been to the country
I've lied, and been lied to
I've won, and I've lost
I've been good, I've been bad
I've been on top of the world, then I tumbled and felt so humble
I've been looked up to, and almost masuk lokap too
I've tried belangkas, but next time I think I'll pass
I've hung out with rockstars, although I don't want to be a pornstar
I've been accepted, I've been rejected
I've loved, I've hated
I've been alone, but wait, there're sing-alongs
I've felt used, and confused
Oh yes, I've been around the wheel alright
And when the bandwagon stops that's when I say
"I did it my way, now let me pass away"
But the journey hasn't ended
For I still have to be blatant
In the things that are important
Because I only live once
Staying the same is oh-so-mundane
Before I die I want to able to say
"I've done it all"
I've been a cheerleader, I've been a loser
I've been fat, I've been thin
I've fallen in love, I've fallen out of love
I've been to the city, I've been to the country
I've lied, and been lied to
I've won, and I've lost
I've been good, I've been bad
I've been on top of the world, then I tumbled and felt so humble
I've been looked up to, and almost masuk lokap too
I've tried belangkas, but next time I think I'll pass
I've hung out with rockstars, although I don't want to be a pornstar
I've been accepted, I've been rejected
I've loved, I've hated
I've been alone, but wait, there're sing-alongs
I've felt used, and confused
Oh yes, I've been around the wheel alright
And when the bandwagon stops that's when I say
"I did it my way, now let me pass away"
But the journey hasn't ended
For I still have to be blatant
In the things that are important
Because I only live once
7.11.2009
What Wonders Baking Can Do For You. Really.
Damn you, romantic movies. Music & Lyrics and You've Got Mail, back to back. How could I've never felt that way? I turn to my Mac. Notifications on Facebook: None. Oh wait there's one: "X just sent you a Teddy. Send one back!". -_-"
Do you know how that fucking annoys me? Then I rollover my mouse to my Messenger. Messages: None, too. Great. Oh I know what this is. This is one of the nights where you feel utterly lonesome, wonder why you still don't have a boyfriend and wished Hugh Grant had wrote a song for you. Other nights are usually normal. Damn those movies, again. I threw my head back onto my white pillow, thinking, wow, the detergent smells great. Haha. Yeah, and also, what could ever make me feel better? Calling an ex and make myself feel even worse? I used to do that but how stupid of me, right? Watching more romantic movies? Pointless. Wait, I know just the thing. Something that I haven't done in a while and it never fails to create wonders :)
Baking. I just LOVE baking anything, you name it. Cakes, cookies, muffins. But what I like baking the most might sound overrated and may be too much heard of lately: Cupcakes. Yes, it's the cupcake craze season. Whether you're making it, baking it, watching it (on YouTube) or buying it, cupcakes are the new cakes, like how Beige is the new Black for Fall/Winter 09? But why do I say it creates wonders? Try doing this: Combine the icky eggs, the coarse sugar and powdery white flour in a bowl, stir it up, pop it into the oven and that's where the magic happens! Give it 20 minutes and what comes out are the prettiest things that make you melt inside. The texture, the brownish/creamish surface of it. OH WAIT TILL I PUT THE FROSTING. Aww, the best part ever! Not even an amateur, I often end up making it look messy and not like what you see on the recipe sites. But the joy of mixing colors, experimenting with designs and trying to make it perfect beats the former.
So at 2:30 AM, I started taking out what I would like to call "Baking Stuff" from the "Baking Box" in the closet. Maybe I should cover the table with old newspaper first to avoid it getting dirty. I was feeling rather calm and good about it. Most of the times when I was making cupcakes, I was feeling rushed, pressured and uneasy. No wonder la tak jadi. But tonight I said, I'll take my time. In all the calmness while mixing butter and sugar, I thought of my mom. I reminisced the times when we used to bake her famous Carrot Walnut Cake (which was a HUGE hit with my friends) together and she'd always let me and my sister lick the leftover batter. "Nanti sakit perut ni!", she always said. She also did it so carefully, and it always ended up wonderfully. Oh, how I miss those times, at my then, Ampang Hilir home.
When it came to the part where I poured the batter into the large pastel-colored liners, I didn't feel I took too much time at all. Slow and steady had truly, helped me win the race. As I waited exactly 20 minutes for the "Avada Kedavra" to happen in the oven, I brainstormed for frosting decoration ideas. "Nah, forget frills, I'll just make it sweet and simple". I had watched YouTube videos on how people beautifully frosted their cupcakes, and boy, do they know how to frost them alright. So I decided to just give it a go and found myself lost in Cupcake World while icing them perky cupcakes with strawberry cream and a dash of unsweetened chocolate flakes. And all of a sudden, I realized I've forgotten that damned feeling of loneliness. They all seemed to have cleared up from my mind. Maybe this is what I should do in life, I thought. Don't marry. Open a cupcake shop. LOL.
Finally, hey, it doesn't look that bad. In fact, my best end-product of cupcakes ever! Oh they look so pretty in their pink velvets I just couldn't let myself eat one, or even let other people eat it!
Hmm now what do I do with it..
Yes, I clinged- wrapped it.
Do you know how that fucking annoys me? Then I rollover my mouse to my Messenger. Messages: None, too. Great. Oh I know what this is. This is one of the nights where you feel utterly lonesome, wonder why you still don't have a boyfriend and wished Hugh Grant had wrote a song for you. Other nights are usually normal. Damn those movies, again. I threw my head back onto my white pillow, thinking, wow, the detergent smells great. Haha. Yeah, and also, what could ever make me feel better? Calling an ex and make myself feel even worse? I used to do that but how stupid of me, right? Watching more romantic movies? Pointless. Wait, I know just the thing. Something that I haven't done in a while and it never fails to create wonders :)
Baking. I just LOVE baking anything, you name it. Cakes, cookies, muffins. But what I like baking the most might sound overrated and may be too much heard of lately: Cupcakes. Yes, it's the cupcake craze season. Whether you're making it, baking it, watching it (on YouTube) or buying it, cupcakes are the new cakes, like how Beige is the new Black for Fall/Winter 09? But why do I say it creates wonders? Try doing this: Combine the icky eggs, the coarse sugar and powdery white flour in a bowl, stir it up, pop it into the oven and that's where the magic happens! Give it 20 minutes and what comes out are the prettiest things that make you melt inside. The texture, the brownish/creamish surface of it. OH WAIT TILL I PUT THE FROSTING. Aww, the best part ever! Not even an amateur, I often end up making it look messy and not like what you see on the recipe sites. But the joy of mixing colors, experimenting with designs and trying to make it perfect beats the former.
So at 2:30 AM, I started taking out what I would like to call "Baking Stuff" from the "Baking Box" in the closet. Maybe I should cover the table with old newspaper first to avoid it getting dirty. I was feeling rather calm and good about it. Most of the times when I was making cupcakes, I was feeling rushed, pressured and uneasy. No wonder la tak jadi. But tonight I said, I'll take my time. In all the calmness while mixing butter and sugar, I thought of my mom. I reminisced the times when we used to bake her famous Carrot Walnut Cake (which was a HUGE hit with my friends) together and she'd always let me and my sister lick the leftover batter. "Nanti sakit perut ni!", she always said. She also did it so carefully, and it always ended up wonderfully. Oh, how I miss those times, at my then, Ampang Hilir home.
When it came to the part where I poured the batter into the large pastel-colored liners, I didn't feel I took too much time at all. Slow and steady had truly, helped me win the race. As I waited exactly 20 minutes for the "Avada Kedavra" to happen in the oven, I brainstormed for frosting decoration ideas. "Nah, forget frills, I'll just make it sweet and simple". I had watched YouTube videos on how people beautifully frosted their cupcakes, and boy, do they know how to frost them alright. So I decided to just give it a go and found myself lost in Cupcake World while icing them perky cupcakes with strawberry cream and a dash of unsweetened chocolate flakes. And all of a sudden, I realized I've forgotten that damned feeling of loneliness. They all seemed to have cleared up from my mind. Maybe this is what I should do in life, I thought. Don't marry. Open a cupcake shop. LOL.
Finally, hey, it doesn't look that bad. In fact, my best end-product of cupcakes ever! Oh they look so pretty in their pink velvets I just couldn't let myself eat one, or even let other people eat it!
Hmm now what do I do with it..
7.09.2009
Yay, dah sampai!
Sebenarnya dah lama sampai. Saja nak penuhkan page ini dengan gambar aku yang sebesar-besar alam, berbangga dengan pemilikkan album Zee Avi. Akhirnya!
Thank you, Nik!
6.13.2009
Teko-ku Berbunyi
I decided to give another try at this blogging thing. These wonderful thoughts, ideas, keep coming in my head but I never do them justice. Jadi inilah rumah baru mereka. Hopefully I'll be able to write more than 3 posts.
My new blog will be about anything, and EVERYTHING. Dan juga bilingual.
Teko-ku menyeru. Berbunyi lagi tadi. Memanggil aku untuk menutupkan api, membuat air Milo. Juga untuk membuka blog ini. Something's cooking in my head. Wait.
Till then,
Selamat datang.
My new blog will be about anything, and EVERYTHING. Dan juga bilingual.
Teko-ku menyeru. Berbunyi lagi tadi. Memanggil aku untuk menutupkan api, membuat air Milo. Juga untuk membuka blog ini. Something's cooking in my head. Wait.
Till then,
Selamat datang.
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